


For Better Or Worse

by MsYukari



Series: It'll Always Be You [2]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/F, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Intimacy, Light Angst, Making Love, Post Oak Room, Series, Tenderness, hints of psychological trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13472637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: This is a sequel to my story It'll Always Be You and it's set close to a year after that first Christmas together in the movie, and only a few months after the Oak Room scene in my first story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote a fic sometime over the summer of 2017 called It'll Always Be You and decided I'd write a little sequel to that. I'm not sure how long this fic will be but I imagine it'll only be a few chapters. I posted this as a series so I can easily link both stories together. While it's good to read the first one, you can still read this one and not be too confused.

Carol stepped through the door of her apartment and hung her coat. She was tired and today had been a particularly long and difficult day. She'd had to pull a double shift at the furniture store since they were short staffed. All she wanted was a nice drink to relax. She didn't see Therese at home and sighed. The younger woman had been working longer hours at the Times. Carol was proud of her but missed seeing her.

Although she couldn't blame Therese for working longer hours. Things had been strained between them lately and some of that was adjusting living together, and the other was just the aftermath of everything that had gone on in the last year.

Carol suffered from the psychological and emotional scars of her “therapy” and these issues didn't become apparent to her at first. They were gradual and started with a fear of intimacy and this overwhelming dread that something could go wrong at any time. This had to also be stress from trying to arrange visits with Rindy as well.

As much as she tried to move on with her life, it was still hard for her to give up her daughter. She tried so hard to make it work with Harge and he'd barely let her see her. It was already almost Christmas now and he'd hinted at maybe Rindy spending Thanksgiving with them, but that just turned into a dream; a fantasy of sorts.

Carol sighed and stared at the small Christmas tree in their apartment and poured herself a Rye. Therese always said this drink depressed her and she supposed she could drink some wine, but she already felt an overwhelmed sense of defeat. She walked out onto the patio and pulled out a cigarette. She sat down and it was cold but the cool air seemed to make her feel alive in some way. She wanted and needed to feel it. The warmth of the inside made her feel something she was not. Perhaps she'd taken on more than she could handle.

She lit her cigarette and took a long drag, closing her eyes. She loved Therese so much though and would never regret being with her but there were times that she wondered if maybe they'd rushed into living together so soon after the Oak Room. Carol had months apart from Therese but she was still adjusting and processing where her life was going and how everything got to the way it was. She took a sip of her Rye and immediately felt the warmth in her stomach and cheeks. It relaxed her in ways that were a little too comfortable for her. Therese had made remarks about her drinking recently and Carol knew she'd been relying too much on it. She didn't know how else to emotionally cope with everything. She would not go back to therapy again. The thought of it made her shudder and feel a little sick. Carol downed her Rye and immediately felt a small buzz from it.

She heard the door unlocking and immediately went back into the living room as Therese came through the door. She smiled wistfully and thought of how beautiful Therese looked and she was so happy to see her. She teared up and sat on the couch, watching as Therese went through their mail. She loved her so much and she was everything she had.

“Carol, did you eat? If you haven't, I thought maybe I could just make us some soup and sandwiches since it's a little late.”

Carol covered her mouth, trying to hold back a sob and she heard the soft footsteps of Therese moving closer. She closed her eyes and then felt the dip of the couch as gentle hands touched her shoulder and hand.

“Carol,” she said softly. “You're crying. What's wrong?”

She took a shuddering breath and her hand was shaking as she bit her lip, trying not to cry. _What is wrong with me?_

“I-I don't know. I just had a long day.”

Therese stroked her hair and she opened her eyes and stared at her. She gently rested her head against her shoulder and felt Therese kiss her forehead as she wrapped an arm around her.

“Have you been drinking?” Therese asked quietly.

Carol felt embarrassment as she sighed and nodded slowly. “I have been and I know I need to be careful.”

“I worry about you, Carol. I don't want it to become more of a habit,” Therese said warningly.

Carol felt sudden irritation that she would even suggest such a thing but quickly pushed it down. Therese was right that she couldn't let it become a habit. She looked to drink whenever she felt overwhelmed and it was fast becoming a solution to give her some kind of temporary relief. However, that's exactly all it was. Temporary.

“I know, baby. I need to figure out how to deal with all of this. I just wish I could see more of Rindy.”

Therese kept stroking through her hair. “I know, and we will. You mustn't lose faith, Carol. We'll see her again and maybe we will during Christmas.”

“Maybe, but I'm not getting my hopes up. If anything Harge will just dangle her in front of me like a carrot only to pull away again. Maybe I should just completely give her up.”

_How can I do that? But I don't know what else to do. He won't let me see her. I'm sure her mind is poisoned by him every day._

“Don't give up. We can do this. We'll do it together. You always try to be so strong but I know these last few months have been very hard on you. I know you try to hide it but you don't have to. Please let me take care of you,” Therese whispered and kissed her cheeks.

Carol cupped her face and kissed her tenderly, wrapping her arms around her. She remembered the time when she'd tried so hard to show Therese how much she loved her and wanted to prove to her that she'd never leave her again. That took a certain amount of energy and she'd be damned if it meant she was going to fall apart in front of her, but here Therese was asking her to let her take care of her. Carol couldn't help but want that. She needed comfort too and needed the woman she loved to support her.

Carol nodded and held her close as Therese kissed her neck, rubbing her back. She breathed deeply and could smell Therese's soft sweet perfume, and kissed her neck. Her hair was clean and soft and Carol just wanted to stay like this all night.

“Let me make us something to eat, okay?” Therese looked into her eyes and kissed her softly and Carol smiled gently.

They ate together and talked about their day and how much Therese was hoping for a promotion soon. Carol smiled happily. Everything was going so well for Therese and Carol suddenly felt guilty that she didn't always feel as happy. She was happy with Therese but things would be perfect if her daughter was in her life.

“Carol... hey, you seem miles away.”

Carol slowly shook her head, not realizing how much she daydreamed. “I was just thinking of Rindy and how wonderful it would be if she was here. I've made her room for her and I always buy things I think she'd like. I just wish she could be a part of our lives,” she said sadly.

Therese's eyes were sad as well and she reached over and held her hand. “She will be. Maybe not right now, but she will be. You're always writing to her and while she doesn't always write back as often, she still does and she always sounds so happy in her letters. I know it's hard not to hear from her and only have some phone calls with her, but it will happen, Carol.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Therese kissed her hand. “Because it's the only way I can be. I can't think of anything worse. I just know that Harge will come around. I think he's just needed some time.”

Carol wasn't so sure about that but nodded and smiled a little. “I hope you're right.”

Therese smiled back and led her back into their bedroom. “You'll see. Everything will be all right.”

Carol smiled and held her close as they undressed, kissing her softly. “You've come so much into your own, my angel. Here you are comforting me and I should be the one doing that for you.”

Therese caressed her body and they laid down together in bed and Carol moaned softly as Therese began a slow exploration of her body, kissing her shoulders and breasts. She hadn't always wanted to make love recently and she blamed that damn psychologist, but this was nice. She sighed softly when she felt Therese cup her between her legs and gently stroke her.

“Mmm baby that feels good,” she whispered.

Therese smiled and kissed her lips, teasing her wet lips and clit as she moved her thigh onto her hip. They held each other close as Carol gently rocked her hips. Their breaths soft and hands that lovingly stroked and touched all the sensitive places of her skin. She squeezed Therese's butt and pulled her closer, moaning softly when Therese kissed her neck. She felt her orgasm building as Therese circled her clit and slowly thrust her fingers inside her. Normally she wanted to reciprocate but tonight she let Therese take over. She was trembling and looked into Therese's eyes.

“Let go for me,” Therese said and curled her fingers inside her. Carol kissed her hard, gasping and moaning into her mouth as she climaxed, shaking in her arms as Therese held her tight.

Tears gently fell from her eyes and Therese kissed her cheeks, stroking the tears away and kissed her so lovingly that Carol thought her heart was going to burst from the love and happiness she felt. She kissed Therese and gently squeezed her breast, feeling her heartbeat.

“I love you,” Carol whispered, looking into her eyes.

Therese's eyes were soft and tender as she stroked her hair and skin. “I love you too. We'll get through this, Carol. I promise. Let me help you, please. I just want to love you and for you to be happy.”

Carol's lips trembled and she held her close, finally breaking down and crying in her arms. “I know, my darling... my angel, I love you so much.”

Therese held her and stroked her hair, murmuring soft words of love and comfort and Carol started to relax. She rested her head against her breasts and her eyes were tired.

“I promise you that I'll cut back on my drinking. I don't want you to ever have to worry about me, Therese,” she said softly, kissing her breasts and closing her eyes.

Soft lips pressed against her hair and forehead and she sighed softly, listening to Therese's heartbeat and it lulled her into a peaceful and safe feeling.

“I'll be here for you every step of the way, Carol. You just have to let me be there for you. That's what partners do.”

“I will, baby... we're partners and always will be. If I could marry you, I would. You know that, don't you darling?” Carol asked as she looked into her eyes.

Therese's eyes teared up and she smiled. “I never wanted to assume but I wish I could marry you too.”

Carol stroked her hair and kissed her softly. “Maybe someday we will, angel.”

Therese smiled and nodded, kissing her sweetly. “Yes... someday.”

Carol smiled and held her hand, stroking it and her ring finger. She kissed her hand and held Therese close, sighing softly as the younger woman relaxed.

“Someday we'll have everything we want and Rindy will be there,” Therese whispered sleepily. Carol smiled and kissed her gently as her breathing evened out.

Carol stroked her hair as she watched her sleep. “You're my everything, Therese. No matter what happens, I'll always have you by my side... for better or worse.”

She smiled when Therese nuzzled her neck and she settled down against her, dreaming of perpetual sunrises where she, Therese, and Rindy could be a family. It was these thoughts that she fell asleep to in Therese's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that story was enjoyable. I think it'll be at least 3 chapters, but unclear to that yet depending on how I write. I'm involved in writing for another fandom but was in the mood to write a little something for Carol. <3
> 
> Feel free to follow/message me on twitter as @MsYukari or on tumblr as msyukari. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Carol felt like she was floating in warm water. She was so comfortable and there was a gentle heat on her face and eyelids. She felt someone caressing her and sighed softly. She slowly opened her eyes to the gentle light of the sun. Therese wasn't in the room and she pouted in disappointment. She could, however, smell something in the kitchen. It smelled like coffee and Carol smiled. She was naked still from the night before and felt the chill in the air. She pulled on her robe and slippers and walked into the living room. She didn't see Therese and quickly poured herself a cup of coffee, also making one for Therese.

Carol smiled gently as she looked out the window and watched children playing outside and thought of Rindy. She wondered what Rindy was doing right now. It was the day before Christmas Eve and normally Rindy was always getting so excited thinking of Santa coming. She held up a photo frame near the window of her daughter and breathed in deeply as she smiled a little sadly. She tried to keep as many photos of Rindy out as she could even if it was painful for her to not see her, she never wanted to ignore her daughter in some way.

Carol wondered where Therese was and walked into the living room. There was a book on the table. She could see that Therese was often into a mystery or thriller of some kind. _Strangers on a Train_ by Patricia Highsmith was on the table, where Carol enjoyed something more along the lines of Virginia Woolf in the form of _Mrs Dalloway_.

She walked over and turned on the Christmas tree lights and knelt down to touch the wrapped gifts she'd given Therese and quite a few of them that she'd wrapped for Rindy. She hoped she'd be able to give her them soon.

Carol slowly walked past what was the darkroom. She'd acquired enough space to create a room for Therese so she could develop her photos and prints. She saw the younger woman in there and walked into the room that was in a red hue. Her hand came around Therese's waist to rest on her stomach and she brought her chin over her shoulder, kissing her skin. Therese sighed and she could feel the smile she had as she kissed her cheek.

“Good morning, Carol,” she said softly.

“Good morning, sweetheart. I brought you some coffee,” she said as she handed her a cup.

Therese took it and drank a few sips as she walked away from where she'd been working on some photos for the Times. But Carol could also see ones that Therese had taken of her and she blushed. There were a few of her sleeping and some where she had her hand up in the kitchen trying to block Therese from taking a photo but she was smiling in that one. And one photo in particular of Carol staring at the tree and holding a glass of wine. She looked serene there and appreciated the eye that Therese had even if sometimes she didn't always know Therese was taking a photo.

She led Therese into the kitchen where they sat down and ate breakfast. She cooked eggs and bacon for her and Therese protested a little at first saying she wanted to cook for her, but Carol knew that Therese was somewhat trying to pamper her. As much as Carol did love to be pampered, she didn't want Therese to make too much of a fuss over her.

“Carol, you're so stubborn sometimes. Why don't you just let me take care of you?”

Carol's eyes were gentle as she leaned over and took her hand. “Because it's my job to take care of you. You shouldn't have to worry so much about me, Therese. You're so young.”

Therese narrowed her eyes at her and sighed, turning away.

“What? What is it? What did I say?”

Therese didn't speak for a few minutes and then looked at her. There was a slightly frustrated and irritated expression on her face.

“You always bring up my age. That I'm too young to take care of you. That I'm too young to worry about you or anything else. Age shouldn't matter, Carol. I want us to be equals.”

“We are equals, Therese,” Carol said and she was a little confused by the statement.

Therese sighed. “Carol, we're not equals if you don't allow me to equally take care of you in ways that I want. You're always paying whenever we go out to eat. You rarely let me cook dinner for you.”

“That's because you're often coming home after I'm here. You cook for me whenever I have to work late.”

“I do, and I'm glad I'm able to, but you must let me treat you too, Carol.”

“Darling, money doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter if I pay more for what we eat in restaurants. Why does that matter to you?”

“It just does... I need to feel like I can provide for you too,” she said quietly.

“Oh, Therese, you do. You give so much to me and that doesn't just include money. I love you and you've given me your heart. That means more than anything. Don't you feel that way too?”

Therese's eyes softened. “I do feel that way. I'm so happy that we're together. You've opened up to me more in these last few months than you ever have before. I know it's not easy for you to do, Carol, but that is also a gift to me.”

Carol smiled. “I've not always been one to be so open with my heart and feelings, but I am trying for you, Therese. I notice you have done the same. You try to often tell me more of what you're thinking. I don't always feel so left in the dark with how you're feeling.”

Therese's eyes widened and she smiled back. “I know it's not always easy but I am trying too. I'm trying to communicate better.”

Carol leaned forward and kissed her lovingly. “In some ways, we're still getting to know each other Therese, and I fall in love with you more every day.”

“Me too,” Therese said softly.

Carol squeezed her hand. “You've always been so patient with me. I'm sorry I haven't always wanted to make love. I want you to know that it's nothing you ever did. I will always want you.”

Therese looked down at their joined hands and she stood up and came around to hug Carol from behind. Carol was still sitting as Therese kissed her neck and cheek, her hand coming across her breast near her heart.

“I know that, Carol. I know it was confusing for me at first, but I understand more now how much you've suffered while we were apart and that has made me more patient. I was too busy thinking about how much I was hurting instead of what you were going through too. You know that you can still always talk to me more about your therapy sessions and what happened there when you're ready.”

Carol frowned and brought her hand up over Therese's and leaned back against her. “Someday I will, baby. Someday I'll be able to talk more about it without it becoming too painful, and someday I'll be able to make love to you without hesitation. I won't be afraid of what that means anymore.”

“You know that what you feel is right, don't you? I've been to meetings with Abby where so many are like us and I've learned there is no shame in it. I've never felt ashamed. You shouldn't either.”

Carol took in her words and knew deep down that it was true, but the repeated thoughts of how it was sinful and morally wrong came up for her. She couldn't forget how Harge and his family acted, and how often the therapist she saw drilled into her how dirty and sick she really was, and that if only she could be “cured” she would be fine. She shivered and Therese tightened her arms around her.

“I know I shouldn't feel ashamed. I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm living the life I want to live. I'm being who I want to be, but... years of the pressure of society has taken its toll, and before my therapy sessions, I was just beginning to accept it for myself. After those therapy sessions, I remember ending them prematurely because I just couldn't do it anymore. Aversion therapy is um... it's just... they put me in the category of child molesters. How can loving you be something comparable to that?” She asked and a tear rolled down her cheek. She hated that she was crying and Therese turned around to face her.

“It's not comparable to that. What they believe is wrong. Loving a woman is not a sin and it's not disgusting. It's beautiful and wonderful. It's love and there is nothing wrong with love.”

“But does Harge think that's what I'm going to do to Rindy? That I'd—that I'd hurt her with who I am?” She cried, covering her face as she leaned over onto the table.

Therese stroked her face and kissed her forehead. “I don't know all of what Harge thinks, but I think he's just hurt and angry because you couldn't love him in the same way. That's not your fault. I felt the same way about Richard. It didn't make them bad men, just... things weren't the same.”

Carol looked into Therese's concerned and beautiful green eyes and wondered when was it that she became so confident and sure of herself? It was always Carol who once did that. It was Carol who was always reassuring others even if she didn't always know what she was doing. It's always been like this, and it was often hard for her to accept.

“I love you, Therese. All I know is that what I feel for you is right. It will take time, but I'll feel whole again.”

Therese looked a little sad and kissed her softly. “You are whole, Carol. Don't ever think you're not. Why don't we call Rindy?”

Carol felt some anxiety but knew she had to. She picked up the phone and Therese started to walk out of the room but she quickly grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

“Stay... please,” she whispered.

Therese nodded and sat down next to her as Carol turned the rotary dial and waited as she listened to the phone ringing. She braced herself when she heard Harge's voice.

“Hello? Harge speaking.”

Carol had to be strong. “Harge, it's Carol. I would like to speak to my daughter.”

“She's just finishing lunch right now and then I have to take her to my parents house. Maybe another time Carol.”

“Harge, I only need to speak to her for a few minutes. Please.”

He didn't say anything and Carol bit her lip, trying not to cry. “Please Harge.”

He sighed and she closed her eyes.

“Mommy?”

Carol smiled and this time let the tear slide down her cheek. “Oh, baby, yes it's Mommy. How are you?”

“Really good! I just had a turkey sandwich with soup for lunch.”

“That sounds very good sweetheart. I wish I could have eaten with you. Daddy says you're going to Grandma and Grandpa's house soon?”

“Yes, we're going to spend Christmas there! Won't you come, Mommy?”

“I would love to, sweetheart but I don't think it will be a good time this year,” Carol said and held her fist against her mouth to stifle her crying. Therese squeezed her hand and rubbed her back.

“When will it be a good time, Mommy?”

“We'll be together soon, snowflake. Then we'll have all the time in the world, okay? Merry Christmas. Remember to be a good girl for Daddy and Santa.”

Rindy giggled. “I'm always a good girl, Mommy. Merry Christmas!”

“Rindy, I love you. Don't ever forget that. I love you so very much.”

“I love you too, Mommy. You're the best Mommy.”

Carol's breath hitched and she smiled. “Thank you. You're the best little girl a Mommy could have. Put Daddy on the phone, please, and I'll talk to you soon. Kisses,” she said and made a smacking of her lips in a kissing noise, listening to Rindy doing the same and smiled.

She grit her teeth when Harge came onto the line. “Are you trying to make me feel bad for not allowing you to spend Christmas with her?”

“I'm not trying to make you do anything, Harge. You're doing all of that on your own. I just want to spend time with my daughter.”

“ _Our_ daughter. She's not just yours.”

“I know that. She's our daughter, and because she's _our_ daughter, I should be given the same rights since I helped make her. Don't you agree?”

“You forfeited that right when you decided to be with that... that--”

“Her name is Therese.”

“I don't want Rindy to be around that.”

“And what is 'that' exactly?”

“You know what I mean!”

Carol sighed. “I'm the same woman I've always been, Harge. I'm the same mother to Rindy. Who I love doesn't change that. And if you'd just give me and Therese a chance to show you that Rindy will be safe and loved...”

Harge didn't speak for a minute and sighed. “Another time. Maybe next year. You need to give me time to get used to this,” he said firmly.

“Another year? You want me to wait another year before I'm able to spend quality time with her?! How can you be so cruel?” She started to cry and quickly covered her mouth.

“I'm not trying to be cruel, Carol. I don't know how to respond to this,” he said quietly.

“It should be so simple, Harge. Please let me have her for Christmas Eve or Christmas? Or even sometime after. Maybe before New Year's Eve? Please... I'm begging you,” she said and this time she couldn't hold back her tears.

“I'll think about it, Carol,” he said and hung up.

She slowly pulled the phone away and stared at it, placing it back. She stared at Therese and quickly pulled out a bottle of red wine.

“I know I said I wasn't going to drink very often, but I think I need one right now. Please don't judge me for that,” she said sharply. She winced when she saw hurt flash across Therese's face and she immediately felt guilty.

“I don't judge you,” Therese whispered and Carol could see her lips trembling. She sighed and poured Therese a glass of wine.

“I didn't mean that, Therese. I'm sorry. I'm just—I'm just very stressed and sometimes I need a drink. I know it's during the day, but this hasn't exactly been a normal day.”

Therese nodded and sipped her wine. “Carol, it's all right. You don't have to justify yourself to me. I never said you had to stop drinking I just... I worry about how often you drink when you're upset.”

Carol drank her wine and immediately felt more relaxed. “I know, I know. I will try not to do that very often. I know it worries you and I understand why. I love you and I never want to worry you. I'll just have one glass and then save the rest for dinner. I can make us a nice dinner tonight.”

Therese took her hand and looked into her eyes. “I'd like the wine for dinner but let me cook for you tonight, please. There's a new recipe I want to try. Let me do this for you.”

Carol saw the pleading and concerned look in her eyes and felt horrible for the times she'd snapped at Therese lately because of what had been happening with Rindy. She shouldn't have accused her of judging her about drinking. Therese was just worried it could develop into a problem. Carol sighed and caressed her cheek.

“Of course I will. I look forward to what you want to cook. What kind of recipe did you want to make tonight?”

Therese smiled mischievously. “That'll be my little secret. I hope you like it though. It's an old family recipe of mine that I was wanting to tweak a little. I've never cooked it before.”

Carol smiled at her. “I'm sure I will like anything you come up with, darling.”

“And then maybe we can watch what's on television tonight or do you think we could go ice skating at Rockefeller Center? We can see the tree there too!”

Carol smiled and wrapped Therese in a hug, kissing her lips. “I think that sounds wonderful. I haven't been ice skating in a long time and we can see how beautiful the tree looks with all the decorations. You know I'd do anything for you, darling. Let's forget about today and just have fun tonight.”

Therese smiled and caressed Carol's back and Carol felt herself relax more than she did with the wine. This need to be close to Therese filled her heart with warmth and love and she kissed her again.

“I'll make dinner early and then we can go! I can bring my camera,” she said excitedly. Carol smiled and watched her move away from her as she put on a record. Easy Living by Billie Holiday began to play and Carol walked up behind her and grabbed Therese and spun her around as they slowly danced to the song.

“Living for you, is easy living. It's easy to live when you're in love,” Carol sang softly and kissed Therese.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been almost a month since I last updated! I got busy and haven't always felt in the mood to write but finally felt some inspiration for this fic. Hope people enjoyed the 2nd chapter. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe I let this story go for too long without being updated! I'm very sorry about that. I got very busy and was writing in another fandom, so it was hard for me to focus on too much at once. Glad I was finally able to update this one because I didn't want to leave it hanging. :)

Carol smoked a cigarette as she watched Therese skate by, the younger woman smiling and waving at her. Therese wanted her to skate with her but she needed a cigarette first. She inhaled slowly, puckering her lips and exhaling. She took another drag of her cigarette and let out little smoke rings, remembering when Abby taught her that trick years ago. She smiled at the memory of them laughing as she tried to blow out the smoke without inhaling too much. Carol thought she had looked like an idiot at the time and it took a few tries, but she was finally able to get just the basic few smoke rings down.

She shivered a little in the crisp air, her nose twitching at the feeling of something wet. She looked up and saw that there was the beginning of a very light snow. Snow fell onto her scarf and gloves, and she saw Therese's hair that was sprinkled with it as she skated by her again. Therese stopped at the side of the rink.

“Carol, come on. Skate with me for a bit.”

“Do you see that it's snowing?”

“Yes, that won't make much of a difference. It's not too heavy. Come on,” Therese urged, motioning her closer.

Carol slowly slid her feet into ice skates, wobbling a little as she quickly grabbed Therese's hand. She held her so she could keep her balance and Carol thought maybe ice skating wouldn't be so difficult after all. She could touch Therese and hold her hand for reasons that no one would question. Therese pulled her gently, helping her skate as they slowly and carefully made their way around the ice.

Carol smiled as Therese squeezed her hand, feeling the warmth through her gloves. Her breath crystalized in the air near Therese's face as they stopped to take a break. She thought Therese's lips looked so full and red, so beautiful with her cheeks flushed from the cold. Carol wished she could kiss her right then, and sighed softly as she looked around them.

“What is it?”

“I-I just wish I could kiss you,” Carol whispered.

Therese blushed and smiled. “I wish you could too. We can when we get home.”

Carol nodded and watched others skate. Children laughing as their parents helped them along the way. “Rindy would have loved this,” she said softly. She looked over at Therese who had her camera in her hand as she took a photo.

“Therese, you really shouldn't have that camera out on the ice. You could break it,” she said sternly.

Therese smiled. “I'll put it back in my satchel. It'll be fine. It's well protected in there.” She took a few more photos of Carol. “Skate around a little bit.”

“You do know this will be the time I land on my behind,” Carol said, pursing her lips.

“You won't. I have faith in you,” Therese said, smiling a little playfully.

Carol rolled her eyes but she was amused and took a few steps out onto the ice. She was afraid she might fall and she took a deep breath and slowly moved forward.

_So far so good._

She turned to see Therese holding the camera, smiling at her and waving. _Perhaps someday I can show these photos to Rindy and I'll tell her all about the time that I went ice skating. I wish she was here with me now. Especially with the Christmas tree nearby._

Therese soon joined her on the ice and they began to skate a little bit faster as Carol got more used to it, feeling proud of herself for not falling. Although she was afraid now that once she said that, she'd end up falling anyway. They skated around a couple more times, and Carol looked over at Therese who had a gleeful look on her face, her hair covered in drops of snow. She smiled so much that you could see the dimples in her cheeks, making Carol fall in love with her again from that very first meeting in Frankenberg's.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Oh, I was just remembering that sweet brunette I met with her cute little Santa hat on behind the counter. Had I found the doll that Rindy wanted, I may have never met you that day. And it was almost like my gloves were meant to be left so you could return them to me.”

They stopped and Therese held her arms and looked into her eyes. Carol thought her eyes looked so soft and green, and she just wanted to hold her. Therese then wrapped her arms around her and hugged her, and Carol closed her eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.

“That was meant to happen, just like I was meant to return to you.”

Carol's heart melted at those words, her eyes starting to well with tears as she squeezed her a little tighter.

“I love you so much,” she whispered to Therese.

“I love you too,” Therese whispered back, and Carol barely felt the brush of her lips against her ear.

Carol smiled at her, wishing with all her heart that she could protect her sweet angel from all the cruelty in the world. There was still an innocence to Therese that she never wanted her to lose. Therese was the light in her life that kept her from going too far down the dark abyss of her mind. She desperately wanted to protect Therese from all the hate she had experienced, and from the shame she felt just for being who she was. Despite deciding to live her truth, there were still so many obstacles in her life; in their lives. It would not be easy for them, but she knew they would make the most of it. Society be damned.

“Let's go look at the Christmas tree before we go home,” Carol suggested, and they both made their way over to it, dusting off the snow from their hair and coats as they fit into their regular shoes. The tree was softly glowing in Christmas lights and she had a calming feeling pass over her as she wrapped her arm around Therese's shoulders.

Therese took a few photos of the tree, and Carol had a feeling of melancholy when she remembered just how much Rindy loved Christmas and decorating the tree. Her breath hitched as she blinked back her tears, and hoped that her sweet little girl would have the best time this Christmas, even if she wasn't able to witness it.

“I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Did you tell Abby what time to come over?” Therese asked.

Carol nodded. “Yes, I told her she could come round 2pm since she doesn't have much to do during the day, but knowing Abby she might be spending time with her new friend so she might be a little bit late.”

“Another redhead?”

“That's the one,” Carol said and smiled, happy that her friend found someone who she enjoyed being with. Carol loved Abby in a way that was a little beyond friendship and they would always have a special bond, but it was nothing like the love she felt for Therese. One would think that because she'd known Abby longer that she would have easily fallen in love with her, but sometimes the heart wants the most unexpected things, and for that she was extremely grateful.

“Ready to go?” Carol asked, turning towards Therese as they took one last look at the Christmas tree.

“Yes, let's go home and have some hot chocolate.”

Carol smiled as she brushed her hand against hers. “Normally I would want to have a glass of wine, but hot chocolate sounds wonderful.”

 

* * *

 

When they returned home, they hung up their coats and Carol stretched, feeling sore from all the tension she held from ice skating. Carol turned on the radio to a station that was playing Christmas songs and for once it felt a little more like Christmas to her. Therese made them hot chocolate and they sat in their living room, sipping from the sweet drink. She stretched her legs as they listened to the radio, the likes of Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby playing. Therese set her cup onto the coffee table, and Carol sighed as Therese began to massage her shoulders.

“Oh, Therese, that feels divine. You're so good to me.”

Therese kissed her shoulders and neck, her hands massaging and kneading her sore muscles, and Carol closed her eyes at the touch.

Carol wasn't sure when she nodded off, but she woke up with her head resting against Therese's knee. “Darling, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

Therese stroked her cheek and leaned forward and kissed her softly. “It's okay. I know you're tired. Why don't you get onto the couch and keep me warm?”

Carol smiled gently and sat down next to Therese as the younger woman wrapped her arms around her. They kissed each other tenderly, and Carol loved the feeling of her soft lips against hers. She traced her hands, her fingertips gently stroking along the top of her hand and palm. Therese's eyes were soft as she smiled at her, and Carol knew she was relaxing as she did this.

“We should sleep soon, baby.”

Therese held her hand. “I know. Let's just stay out here for a little bit longer and listen to music.”

Carol nodded and kissed her cheek. “We can do that.”

They cuddled on the couch as Carol heard a version of a song she normally heard sung by Frank Sinatra, but was surprised that the radio decided to play the original version by Judy Garland. She remembered watching the film _Meet Me in St. Louis_ with Judy Garland when she sang the beautiful but bittersweet song of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, and she felt emotional as she heard the lyrics.

“ _Someday soon we all will be together_

_If the fates allow_

_Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow_

_So have yourself a merry little Christmas now”_

Therese held her closer as Judy sang the last final lyrics, and Carol was so glad that she had Therese to help her through this time.

“We'll get through this, Carol. I promise.”

“I know we will, my angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this feels weird to write because it's like Christmas in July lol. But I also didn't want to let this story go by too long even though I did think about maybe continuing it around Christmas just for the holiday to fit. I don't like stories going too long without an update (I try not to do that for another fandom I write), so hopefully people are still a little interested in the conclusion of this story. I also hope that this chapter was enjoyable even if maybe some parts of it were a little sad. 
> 
> Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas is one of my favorite songs and especially the version originally sung by Judy Garland. If people who read my Wentworth fanfic end up reading this too, they will know I have a soft spot for this song. If people are interested in listening to it, here is a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxxTHzERTsk


	4. Chapter 4

Carol stood in front of the warm fireplace, listening to the embers of the crackling fire. There hung four stockings with their names stitched into each one. She'd made them this year in the hopes that Rindy would be with her. She swallowed against the lump in her throat and traced her fingers over the embroidered name. Two other stockings hung there; one for her and one for Therese. She wanted to try and make this year special, even if her daughter wasn't here to spend it with them. She'd be here in spirit.

She felt a hand on her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around Therese's waist. “Those look so nice, Carol. Rindy would love them. Abby will be happy to see you made her a stocking too.”

Carol smiled sadly as she nodded her head. “I couldn't forget dear old Abby. She'll be coming over soon.”

“Is she bringing her date?”

“No, the woman she's seeing is spending time with her family upstate,” she called as she walked into the kitchen. Pulling out a bottle of wine and pouring it into the glass, she watched as Therese followed her in there and began finishing their dinner preparation. The turkey was almost done. She looked over at Carol, frowning slightly at the glass of wine in her hand. Carol raised her brow as a bit of a challenge. Therese sighed and grabbed a glass and poured some for herself.

“You know I'm fine with you drinking, Carol. I just worry about how often when you're upset.”

“This is the first glass I've had today,” Carol said, frustrated.

“Okay, I'm just—look I'm sorry, Carol. I know we've both been stressed. I love you, I just don't want you to always drown your sorrows that way.”

Carol bit her tongue, swallowing down her irritation at such a statement. _Is this how she views me? As some pathetic drunk?_ She had so many things she wanted to say to her then, but held back because she knew she'd hurt Therese, and this was not a day she wanted Therese to remember as a bad one. She lowered her glass as she remembered the times her father drank too often during the holidays, and how it made her feel. WWI had changed him as a man and it was something that was hard for her to understand as she grew up. She later learned he had suffered from shell shock, and he had drank in order to keep the painful memories away.

Therese sipped her wine, looking a little upset and Carol set her wine glass down onto the table and looked into her eyes. “I'll be careful, baby. I won't let this beat me. I don't want to become like my father,” she said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Therese cupped her cheek, leaning up to kiss her forehead. “You won't.”

“Is it wrong to think sometimes I also suffer from shell shock? I wasn't a soldier, but I feel like the sessions with the psychotherapist did so much harm to who I am.”

Therese kissed her lips softly. “You're still you. No one can change that, or tell you how to feel or live your life. And... honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you did have symptoms of shell shock. What you've experienced is traumatic.”

Carol nodded and kissed her back. “I'm sorry... I always snap at you.”

“Shh, it's okay. I know you're upset, but try to remember how much fun we're going to have. Abby is joining us for dinner and spending the night. We're a family.”

“I know, baby. I am looking forward to that. I have to just forget about Rindy.”

Therese stroked her hair. “Who knows what will happen, Carol. We'll light a candle for Rindy and hang some of her favorite ornaments.”

Carol smiled, hearing a knock at the door as she sniffled, rubbing at her eyes. Her makeup wasn't running which was good. She didn't want to have to explain to Abby why she was crying.

“Abby!” Carol exclaimed as she enveloped her in a warm hug.

“How you doing?” Abby asked, kissing her on the cheek. “Something smells really delicious. I know that must be your cooking, Therese. Carol hasn't been able to prepare a turkey right in years.”

Therese giggled as Carol swatted at Abby's arm. “I'll have you know I'm getting better! I was able to bake the pie and dinner rolls.”

Abby smiled as she laughed. “I'm sure everything will taste fine. Now, where's some wine? I need a glass with my cigarette.”

Carol and Abby sat down as they smoked at the table, slowly drinking a glass of wine. Carol finished hers and decided to not drink anymore. She was content with the relaxing effects of the glass she had along with the cigarette. She and Abby talked about the furniture store they both worked at, laughing at their experiences recently.

“How is your work going at the Times?” Abby asked.

Therese pulled out the turkey. “Oh, it's very busy but I enjoy it. I'm hoping I'll get a promotion soon. My boss tells me it's very possible I could, so I've been putting in extra hours.”

“That's great, Therese. We need more women like you.”

Carol listened as they chatted, smiling when Abby and Therese laughed. She'd never thought Abby would warm to Therese that much, but watching their friendship blossom in the last year had helped her heavy heart.

Carol each gave them a slice of lemon meringue pie, sitting down in the living room with the fire still burning, and the Christmas lights twinkling on the tree. The quiet and soothing Christmas carols playing in the background.

“I don't think I could eat anymore. I'm stuffed!” Abby said, but still managed to eat a piece of her pie. She made a face and smiled.

“What?” Carol asked.

“Oh, um, this is—well...”

Therese was eating hers, and puckered her lips a little. Carol furrowed her brows as she finally took a bite of hers. The very sour flavor of the lemon made her realize she didn't quite put enough sugar in it. She puckered her lips and tried to keep from laughing, and pretty soon all three of them were giggling. “I think—I think this needs more sugar!” Carol said laughing.

Abby took another bite. “No, no, it's fine. I can get used to it,” she said, letting out a small giggle.

“Next time I'll help you, Carol,” Therese said, smiling at her.

Normally Carol would feel a little embarrassed that she couldn't do such a simple task such as baking a pie, but it was Christmas and the looks on their faces were priceless. And Abby was right; the pie was still good, even if it was just a little too sour.

Abby smiled at the stockings hanging on the mantel, and her eyes lingered on Rindy's. Carol turned to see Abby watching her, a knowing look passing between them. Her eyes teared up and Abby leaned over and took her hand.

Therese watched this display of affection between them, and rested her head against Carol's shoulder. At one time she was jealous of the bond that Carol and Abby had, but that was no longer as she came to get to know Abby. While she knew they had a past and would always love each other in someway, Therese was happy that Carol and Abby had each other. They were such close friends and she could see how much they meant to each other. Therese knew that their friendship was different than the relationship she had with Carol.

She felt Carol's lips brush her forehead and smiled as they sat together. It was relaxing and she watched the snow start to fall through the window. Carol kissed her forehead again, slowly getting up.

“I'm going to have a quick cigarette. Will either of you join me?”

“But it's so cold! It's snowing now,” Therese said.

Carol smiled. “There's nothing like a good cigarette in the crisp air.”

Abby stood up, stretching her legs. “I'll join you, just let me finish this drink. I'll meet you out there.”

Carol nodded, and put on her coat and leather gloves to keep her warm. As she walked outside, the cigarette fell from her lips.

“Harge,” she said softly.

He looked like he was freezing as he stood outside her door, looking surprised to see her. She looked down and saw Rindy next to him, looking very shy. It had been a long time since she'd seen her, and she choked back tears.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked uncomfortable as he held Rindy's hand. “I thought about what you said. And she was crying so much at my parents house. I-I can't keep her away from her mother, especially on Christmas,” he said sadly.

She almost couldn't believe he was saying this for she never thought he'd ever change his mind, especially not this quickly.

“Thank you, Harge for bringing her here. Please come in,” she offered.

“No, no, I'm going to go. I've had her for so long now... you should enjoy time with her now.”

“How long do I have her?”

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, looking as if he was still deciding on it. He cleared his throat and said, “I'll pick her up after New Year's.”

“Oh, Harge! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Rindy still looked shy and she knelt down and held out her arms to her daughter.

“Come here, snowflake. Let Mommy hug you,” she said, smiling. Rindy hesitated and then quickly let go of her father's hand and rushed into Carol's arms. Carol laughed, crying as she finally held her sweet girl. She stood up, holding her still and kissing her cheeks. Rindy smiled back and began telling her everything about the day with her grandparents.

“Rindy, we're going inside now. Say goodbye to Daddy,” she said softly.

Rindy smiled and turned her head. “Can't you stay, Daddy?” She asked sweetly. Carol nodded her head, giving him permission to spend Christmas with them if he chose, and she could have swore she saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

“No, Daddy has to go back home, but I'll be back in a week. You be good, and have a nice Christmas with Mommy and... Therese.”

Carol's eyes softened at him saying her name. It was one of the few times he did, and she wondered if this was a new beginning for them.

“Bye Daddy. Merry Christmas!” Rindy said, and waved at him. He smiled and leaned forward and kissed Rindy on the cheek. Carol waved as she watched him get into his car and drive away.

“Well, baby are you ready to see Therese and Aunt Abby?”

“Aunt Abby is here?!” She asked excitedly.

“Yes she is, baby.” She opened the door and stepped inside.

“Abby, why don't you hold off on that cigarette,” Carol said as she came into the living room. She set Rindy down. Therese and Abby's eyes widened and Abby smiled as she held out her arms.

“Hey Kiddo, Merry Christmas!” Rindy hugged her, and Therese knelt down next to her.

“Hey Rindy, do you remember me?” She asked softly.

Rindy looked into her eyes and nodded. “I do. Your Mommy's friend. Daddy said you live together. He said I'd be seeing more of you.”

Carol's breath caught, and Therese looked up at her and smiled, her own eyes starting to tear up. “That sounds great, Rindy. Your mom and I are very excited to finally have you here. In fact, there is a stocking here just for you.”

Carol laughed at how excited Rindy was as she looked at her stocking and the gifts under the Christmas tree.

“Can we open them now?” Rindy asked.

Carol sat down next to Therese and held her hand, laughing at Rindy's puppy eyed look. “Not yet. You'll have to open them in the morning. Remember that Santa will be here tonight. We'll have to leave him milk and cookies,” Carol said.

“Yes! And can we bake more cookies, Mommy?”

“We can tomorrow, baby. We can bake however many you want. Come sit by me,” she said. Rindy sat next to her, and Therese looked at Abby and they both walked outside.

“Where are you going?” Carol asked as she held Rindy close to her.

“Just out for a cigarette. We'll be back soon,” Abby said and winked. Therese smiled as she walked out with her.

Carol smiled at Rindy and stroked her hair. “I'm so glad to see you! I love you.”

“I love you too, Mommy,” Rindy whispered. Carol hugged her and thought of how lucky she was.

“Mommy, what do you want for Christmas?” Rindy asked, and Carol wasn't used to her daughter asking her such a question. Usually it was she who asked Rindy. “Why do you ask?”

“Because... because I want to know. Daddy said that he hoped he'd finally be able to give you something you wanted for Christmas.”

Carol closed her eyes, tearing up again. “Oh, Rindy, I already got what I want for Christmas... you,” she said, kissing her cheek.

Therese and Abby came back inside not too long after their brisk walk in the snow, and smiled at Carol and Rindy who had fallen asleep on the couch.

“I should go,” Abby whispered.

“No, you don't have to. Please stay,” she whispered back.

“Don't worry, I'll be back in the morning. Rindy will need the other bedroom.”

“Are you sure? We have the couch. I just have to wake them up.”

“It's okay, I'll be back. Merry Christmas, Therese,” Abby said, smiling as she left through the front door.

Therese sat down, kissing Carol gently on the lips. The older woman slowly opened her beautiful blue eyes.

“What time is it?”

“It's after 10... let's go to bed.”

“Oh, what about Abby?”

“She went home.”

“What! She didn't have to.”

“No, but she wanted to give the bedroom to Rindy. She said she'll be back in the morning to spend Christmas Day with us.”

“Well, that's good then.” She slowly picked up Rindy and carried her into bed, tucking her in as she kissed her forehead.

“Goodnight, baby,” she whispered, lingering at the door before she turned out the light.

Carol followed Therese into their bedroom, and dressed into her pajamas. “We'll have to do this now that she's here,” she said, smirking. Therese raised her brow and blushed as she also changed into her pajamas.

As they got under the covers, Carol turned to Therese and held her close, kissing her deeply and stroking her cheek.

“I love you so much. I never thought this day would come.”

“I knew it would. I didn't know when, but I knew you'd see Rindy again,” she said, kissing her back and holding her tight. “Merry Christmas, Carol.”

“Merry Christmas, Therese.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me longer to finally finish this fic. Life got in the way, but it was always in the back of my mind. I hope people enjoyed that. :)


End file.
